Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
