This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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