I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
