if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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