so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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