Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
