When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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