We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
