too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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