We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
