I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
