All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
