On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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