i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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