My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
