Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
