I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
