I cannot find my penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
