I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
