We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
