I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
