my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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