Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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