I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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