She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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