he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
