Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
