Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
