Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
