I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
