Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
