I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
