I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
