i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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