I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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