I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
