I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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