she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
