I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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