I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
