The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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