literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
