im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize