you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
