I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
