didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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