I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
