Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
