I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
