It's Friday. Sex?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
