she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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