My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
