The maid of honor just puked.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
In America we eat man semen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
