are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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