Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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