just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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