Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
