that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
