I want to have your abortion
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
