I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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