Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
