btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
