How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
