Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
