i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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