i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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