At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
