Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
