is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
