Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
