I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize