I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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