he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
