I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
