You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
