youre lurking in front of me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
