the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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