If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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