Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
